Episode 100: Do What You Love: Don't Lose Focus
Do what you love, and you never work a day in your life. Follow your passion and keep your focus, and everything will follow. These are lessons that Amy Vetter looks back at in this episode. Along with her sons Jagger Vetter and Austin Vetter, they look at their experiences growing up and how it shaped their goals. Listen, learn and gain inspiration from their story.
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Do What You Love: Don't Lose Focus
This is episode 100. I saved this very special episode to interview my two boys, Jagger Vetter and Austin Vetter as part of this interview. Why I wanted to do this is because what we talk about on this show is all about our life journey, where we began, what created the belief systems that we have and so forth. Sometimes we forget what it's like to be younger and the way that we thought then. I thought it would be great to interview my children and they are going to play along. First off, both of you, I would like you to introduce yourself. I will start with Austin. Tell me how old you are, what you're focusing on and what your interests are.
I'm Austin. I'm focused on a lot of college applications. Even if I'm a junior, it takes up a lot of mental processing, like thinking about college. My interests, I like to work out and hang out with my friends. Not too extreme.
Do you like to run?
Like is an overstatement but I like cross-country and track.
That's what I asked them to be was honest on this show. Jagger, do you want to introduce yourself?
I'm Jagger. I am a third-year student at the University of Cincinnati studying Environmental Engineering. My focus is searching for a co-op at the moment so that's an internship where I can have real-world engineering experience. I'm looking for that but also in school at the moment. Some things that I like to do where my passions are deejaying, that's a big one and I like to surf. I like to work out a lot as well as you can see that's common in this family. I would be outside. I love the outdoors.
For those of you reading that are looking for someone in the environmental space, he is looking for co-op jobs. We have been looking at ESG opportunities so might as well put the plug out there. What we like to do on this show is to start in the beginning. I want you to think back to when you were little and the things that you like to do and what your dreams were. What you envisioned you wanted to do when you grew up so think back. Who wants to start?
I can start. I feel like what I wanted to do when I was younger is the stereotypical thing that every young kid wants to do. It was never to be a full player but I always wanted to be an actor. It's not childish but it's a dream.
Why did you want to be an actor? Do you remember?
Honestly, it looks fun and to be different people is cool.
I remember when you were little, you would get excited to go to sleep but instead you were going to watch a movie.
I still do.
Jagger, what about you? What did you want to be when you grew up?
Around kindergarten age, a little bit older, I was set on being a professional baseball player. For some reason that was what I wanted to do. I could not be further away from that now but then as I grew a little bit older into my 2nd-grade, maybe a 3rd-grade year, I knew I wanted to do something focused on the environment. I don't know if I necessarily knew 100% what it was. Maybe what I thought of it in my head was like an inventor to create something for the environment. That's what I have been set on since.
“When you care for somebody, sometimes it’s better to do something than just hold everything back.”
How did that idea get started for you?
It's hard to pinpoint an exact thing but what started it was I had this reading class in third grade. They gave us Scholastic magazines to read during that time and one of the topics was global warming. I read about it and I got pretty scared by it. That fear is what made me think I want to change something about this and for some reason, that's stuck since.
Let's think back to when you were little. Both of you grew up in a different state originally so you both started out in Florida. What do you remember about being there and things that affected you? What your thoughts were and interests and so forth from living there or the friends that you had there?
I'm not sure if it was Florida or if it was growing up that changed my interest. I don't remember that much though because we moved when I was seven. It's a very different pool of kids. It's a different experience like trying to meet friends there versus here. People are a lot different. When we moved here and grew up here, I feel like I became nicer to people because Florida people were not that nice.
You were more in a defensive mode there. Did you feel that way in Florida versus you being calmer here? What was the feeling?
Also, that part of it was, I was such a little kid and that was my mindset. I was always defensive because I never wanted to be embarrassed or seem inferior. That was always putting me on defense. It got better because the people were better influences because they were nicer kids but maybe that did make me a bit less defensive.
Why do you think your defensive younger? Do you think it's because you were the youngest of all your cousins in the family or were there other reasons you felt that way?
I never liked being the youngest ever. It was all out. I made it apparent to everyone. It made me view things a lot differently. They were all 4 or 5 years older at minimum. If I had grown up and I was their age, I would have been a lot different because having cousins was the first start of social life. Eventually, I made friends but having cousins was the first start of social life. I always have been the youngest, even if it was not always intentional, there are always things that I could not do. I was not included a lot. I didn't grow up with a lot of anger but there are a lot of situations that made me angry.
That you might have thrown some tantrums. What about you, Jagger?
In Florida, there is a lot of pressure to be mature a lot younger. That was one factor, growing a little bit faster but another thing for me was fitting in or doing what everybody else was doing. Whether that be with my interests or what I wanted to do. Maybe it's the age or where I was but I always wanted to do what everybody else was doing. Maybe not necessarily if it was what I wanted to do.
Where did you find the strength to do your own thing to break from that?
Honestly, when I developed that passion for the environment, it was not necessarily all my friends were talking about or whatever but it was something that was a little bit more unique to me. Knowing that I was so passionate about it, I felt fine in being different. I felt so confident in it, I did not care as much what other people were doing. I felt more maybe relaxed because I knew what I wanted to do. I didn't have to look for it anymore.
Do What You Love: If you're taking the low road, that's taking the easier faster road and that's just reacting to things out of your amygdala, like fear or aggression or your emotions. If you take the high road, the mental process goes to your prefrontal cortex, which is capable of logical thinking.
It gave you a focus. There's another big-time that there was a change for all of us. One was me becoming a mother in the first place with Jagger but our family changed again when Austin was born and that changed you a lot, Jagger, when Austin was born. Do you remember that feeling and what that was like when Austin came into our lives?
I was a lot younger but maybe it was more of a sense of responsibility. I felt more responsible to take care of him in a way so I did. That was different for me and that was a pretty big change.
Austin, being the younger brother, with Jagger as your bigger brother, what effect do you think that's had on you?
Jagger always takes the high road which was not always easy for me which I did learn in AP Psych, taking the high road and taking the low road are pathways in your brain. If you have a stimulus or whatever it will go to your thalamus and then your amygdala is your emotions. If you're taking the low road, that's taking the easier faster road and that's reacting to things out of your amygdala so fear or aggression or your emotions.
If you take the high road then the mental process goes to your prefrontal cortex, which is capable of logical thinking. Jagger has always had that high road with going to the prefrontal cortex and logically thinking about situations, which took me a long time to develop. In my defense, I would do what little kids do, the low road, it's pretty common.
I got frustrated because I was like, "Why does he have to handle this thing so mature? Why can't he get mad?" That's number one. Number two, he always treated people fairly. In that sense, it's how I treat people and how I am, it is a lot of influence from how he wanted to take care of me. I did have a lot of barriers to break as far as egocentrism and it took a while.
That's important to understand because there we have a visual. A vision of things that when we are in different situations we might look to how would someone else handle it. It's the same thing for Jagger. Jagger, you'll take the high road but what do you learn from Austin?
It's caring for others. Not that I don't but he does it a lot more in an emotional way. I have been influenced more by him to show my emotion, especially in relationships and when you're caring for somebody sometimes it's better to do something like that than hold everything back. It can get a lot farther.
That's the thing about showing emotions is even when it might not be something we are happy about, it still ends up teaching us things along the way. We can be with our opposites and learn a lot and then find our commonalities at the same time.
Another one would be standing up for myself and not being quiet. Fighting for what I think is right.
I like confrontation. If I'm unhappy about something, I'm not going to stay unhappy. I'm not going to do it in a way where I create problems for the most part. However, if something is occurring, I like to take the route of confrontation. I don't let things simmer.
You say confrontation but you do it in another way. When you were little, it became more confrontational and you have learned over time how to get your message across better. Where do you think you got the confidence? What changed in you to be able to communicate how you feel to others by being more yourself?
“You want to find the sweet spot where you’re making yourself happy, but you’re also making friends and not enemies.”
A lot of the time when I was growing up, I was very egocentric like I mentioned but that turned into being confrontational because something did not go my way, I threw a tantrum. I grew out of that but it transformed into, “If something's making me unhappy, I'm going to make sure that I can resolve the issue so I feel better.” I'm not trying to do it in a way to yell at someone or be like, "This is what's wrong with you." No. That side of me came from a young mindset of always wanting things to go my way but it's transformed a lot. That's where it stemmed.
Both of you have very strong feelings, belief systems or opinions on things and do it in different ways. Jagger, how do handle it when you want to convince people? It may not be in the same way but you have your way of doing it.
In general, it's leading with an open conversation. I would rather talk with people. It's more like trying to understand why they may think of doing something. It's not necessarily a confrontational type of discussion but more like both parties have the ability to say what's on their mind.
One of the things that I see with you as well as the way you live your life without saying it sometimes has a way of convincing people to go in another direction.
More like leading by example. That's a big one too. I usually don't go into conversations or confrontations. I much rather show it than say it. Leading by example is one thing that I like to do.
Especially, the environmental stuff, both Austin and I will see things you do and then we are like, "Maybe we should do that." You have a silent pressure way of going about things. As teenagers, you both have gone through that transition, how do you think that changed you as a person? What things changed about you or where have you felt more confident in yourself and maybe where your belief systems might have changed along the way as well?
A big change is we had to work on a lot of things. It was how I thought the world viewed me. I had to realize that the road is not against me and that came from always feeling being left out because I was younger but once I started to grow up and be aware of the world around me, I got out of that point of view. Not everything is against me.
Growing more independent and confident. Independence changed how I wanted the people around me to see me. I did not want them to see me as someone who was a selfish person but I also did not want to be seen as a pushover. Finding that fine line in the middle where I'm not trying to tell everyone it's my way or the highway but also, I don't want to live being upset about things that I address.
You are lucky to figure that out young. A lot of people grow older, still feeling those feelings from their little and then they forget why they even feel the world is against them. What about you, Jagger? When do you think you had a shift and felt more confident?
Transition to the teenager or whatever, I felt like a lot of my characteristics became a little more defined and what I like to do. It was a little bit more unique compared to most people I was around. I was into surfing a lot. You can't do that in Ohio but that differentiates me. I liked the style of surfing and I translate that to some of my clothing. If I could wear board shorts every day, I would do that.
Do What You Love: When there is drama created or issues between friends, it's because there's a lack of communication or there's communication towards the wrong people.
It was becoming a little bit more of understanding the things I liked and it has become a little bit more part of who I am. That's something I felt different about but I was okay with it. I liked my own characteristics but at the same time during this period, I felt there was a lot of trying to prove myself. There's a lot of competition in your teenage years so I felt that in a lot of areas of my life as well. It's a balance of both. You want to be unique but also try to be better and prove yourself.
What impact did it have with me working? Growing up, I have had to travel for work. I have had jobs that are demanding, businesses you have been a part of and worked at. A lot of people struggle with that whole decision of how to balance all of that when they are a working mother and raising children at the same time. What were the things you had to learn from it or issues because I was having to work hard or be away or what were some of the benefits as well? You will not hurt my feelings. This is for everybody that's reading as well because I know you love me.
I remember I missed you a lot. There were effects but they are not that pronounced. Number one, I don't think there were any negative effects. I do remember sometimes I was scared because you were always gone and I don't want you to be gone more. When you got the job at Xero and then you were traveling more because of New Zealand stuff.
Positive effects, there are more things that I feel I would have to do on my own that you would help me with when you were here because you weren't here. That's making me more independent. I'm always so shocked when I see people who still don't know how to do their laundry or who still have their mom make them wonderful. I have always been on top of that.
What you are talking about is self-sufficiency.
You, having a demanding job played into that.
What about working at the studio and the business? What perspective did that give you?
It was very different than my other jobs but it had more meaning. I was not going to a part-time job that I hated to get money. I enjoyed being there and it was for my mom. Having that was something more meaningful, makes you care about your job and what you are doing there more.
What about you, Jagger?
Self-sufficiency was one but not necessarily in a negative way. I liked the idea of being able to do more stuff on my own. It made me feel a little bit more like I would be good to do things on my own. I was not resentful like other people. I never minded too much. I liked being able to make my own food and stuff like that. There are a few times that I want to talk with you or something but you always made time for that on the phone or whatever and it was not too big of an issue.
“Communication is the only way you’re going to get past conflicts.”
Frankly, it's more of an example. You are driven and what you know wanted to do. You worked hard at what you did and that's like what I want to do. Maybe I was used to it but there was still a nice balance there and you made it work where you could and it was good for me so it was fine.
It's important for people to hear your perspectives because especially the women out there that are trying to balance all of it. There is a huge amount of guilt that happens at the same time that's weighing on mothers that are out there. Sometimes we don't even ask our children how they feel about it and whether it's what we think versus what they think. It was a very hard thing but at the same time, it's important that we are always monitoring where everybody stands.
At one point, I remember telling you guys, "I'm going to quit my job and be home," and then the questions started coming. "What about my stuff? Will I still have this and that?" Those things are important too. It happened over time. What do you think now with all you have learned in your life so far you see as your future now? How does it change your interactions with the people around you because of what you have learned in your life so far?
From what I have learned, you want to find the sweet spot where you are making yourself happy but you are also making friends and not enemies. I see with my friends and people around me whenever there will be drama created or issues between friends and friend groups, it's because there's a lack of communication or there's communication towards the wrong people. Communication is something that I try to stress with myself.
When I noticed, "Am I upset right now because I'm not talking about it with the person that I'm upset with? Also, showing people that communicating is the only way you're going to get past something. That's something that I'm lucky to have learned. There are so many people like my peers and that's not their route when they are faced with conflict.
What about you, Jagger?
Looking at the future, I feel like one of the biggest things are the teachings from my development and becoming a little more unique and also lessons from you and what you do and staying in line with my passions. My whole future is focused on my biggest passion in life which is the environment. I want to do work for that. That's where I feel I will be the happiest. At the same time, there are lots of other things I like to do.
I always like to learn new things whether it's deejaying or surfing or whatever the new thing might be. Although, it can be very hard. I have these passions on the side that are like outlets. I learned how to have outlets when things get stressful but at the same time, this focus that I have is because it's a passion that I have. It pulls me through the work as well. Learning to like what makes me different, my passion and stuff are what's driven my success.
I like to end the show with some rapid-fire questions. You get to pick a category. Family and friends as one category, money, spiritual or health. Austin, which category would you like to do?
I will do family and friends.
Do What You Love: When there is drama created or issues between friends, it's because there's a lack of communication or there's communication towards the wrong people.
Things or actions I don't have that I want with family and friends.
I have found the action that I like, it's communication.
That's the next question. It's what you don't have that you want with your friends or family?
I'm pretty good at seeing all sides but maybe something that I have but I want to strengthen is the ability to see things from all perspectives. I can try my best sometimes but it's not always going to fulfill or satisfy whatever I need to see the whole picture. If I had the ability, it is to see a full picture and what someone else thinking if I can't understand from communication, what they are thinking.
It's like walking in somebody else's shoes and trying to understand from their perspective. You said the things or actions they do have that I want are communication. Things or actions I don't have that I don't want. Something you do not want with your family and friends that you don't have and you want to make sure you don't have it.
There are a lot of things. I'm growing in but I don't ever want to be in that tunnel vision where it's like, “I'm not wrong,” or with family and friends, I never want someone to think that I'm too stubborn, I don't understand them or I don't get their side.
Things or actions that I do have that I don't want with my family and friends. Things that you do that you don't want to be doing.
Maybe it's putting too much potential in them or I expect too much when I should know that I can't rely on someone when they are just them. I can't ask them to be different or that they are going to magically change. "It would be nice if they could understand this." I don't have that expectation for people because that's not fair to them and then I get upset that I expect too much. I want to get rid of it.
Jagger, family and friends, money, spiritual or health.
I will do health.
Things or actions I don't have that I want with my health.
I'm going to go the meditation route on this. I don't do it at all. I used to try a little bit but that's something I would want to do more, get your own space and have a more clear mind from doing it. It's developing that skill a little bit more.
Things or actions I do have that I want.
My determination, I like being consistent and I don't want to lose that because that's how you get results.
Things are actions I don't have that I don't want as far as your health.
“It’s very important that you stick to your purpose or your passion because that’s where you’ll be the happiest.”
Falling to your temptations in a way with food or choosing not to do something or not doing work out because you are tired or something like that.
Things or actions that I do have that I don't want.
Maybe I was going too far with consistency and not having the flexibility with it. If I'm sticking too close to a certain workout schedule or something and then when something contradicts with that, maybe there's a bigger event happening or sometimes there are more important things, maybe moving it around, sacrificing it for one day or something like that.
In closing, is there anything I did not ask you that you want to make sure people know, that you didn't get to say about yourself to end or that you want people to remember?
I am not still egocentric and I don't throw temper tantrums because I said a lot of stuff like that. That's nine years and younger me. It's not now.
What that's led to is you communicate well and you take on initiatives, things you believe in and try to help people. You've turned that around since you were nine. It's an important part of your story of what's shifted you and what you have learned from it. People don't necessarily get better from that.
It was a critical part to talk to while I was living it but maybe I had a purpose.
What about you, Jagger?
Do what you love and don't lose focus on that. I'm at an age where people are starting to find a job and what's going to be their future. I'm already seeing people settle or maybe it's not what they want to do. It's hard to see that because you know it's going to happen but even if it's past that time for you, it's very important that you stick to your purpose or your passion is because that's where you will be the happiest. That's where work won't feel like work and things will fall in place.
That is part of the reason that I thought it was so important to have you both on is we forget where our passions, purpose and belief systems began. We lose it along the way and sometimes we need these moments to pause and remember. I love both of you. I never say that to my guests. I'm very happy to have done episode 100 with you. Thank you for doing such a great job as being my guests.
Thank you.
Thanks for having me.