Episode 103: Setting Boundaries: The Key To Success And Wellness With Dino Confalone
Many families choose to immigrate to the United States because of the opportunities it has to offer. However, success and wellness will only come to you if you take care of every relationship you have. Amy Better is joined by Dino Confalone, Realtor and Immediate Past President for the Greater Boston Association of Realtors®. In their conversation, they discuss how Dino's immigrant grandparents and parents shaped him into the skilled realtor he is today. He shares tips on pivoting your life, getting rid of toxic connections, and taking a much-needed break to creatse the ultimate success you desire.
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Episode 103: Setting Boundaries: The Key To Success And Wellness With Dino Confalone
Welcome to this episode where I interview Dino Confalone. He is the 2021 President of the Greater Boston Association of REALTORS® and 2022 National Director. Dino is a realtor and leverages three decades of corporate and real estate experience to deliver leadership, knowledge and value. His professionalism and moral compass have set him apart. Clients describe him as calming and trustworthy. He is a top producer with Sotheby's network. He delivers a high-level production with a small company feel. He is a Suffolk University graduate and has partnered with organizations such as Harvard, MIT, PwC, and Arnold Worldwide.
During this interview, we discuss his upbringing with his immigrant grandparents and parents, and how that affected the person he is now. Dino will share his tips on pivoting your life and utilizing the experience you have to create the success you desire. I hope you enjoy this interview with Dino. Like, share and subscribe to this show so more people are able to gain from the advice of my guest as well.
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Welcome to this episode where I'm with Dino Confalone. He is a realtor and the Immediate Past President of the Greater Boston Association of REALTORS®. Dino, do you want to go ahead and give a little brief background before we get into your story?
Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited. I'm the Immediate past president for the Boston Association of REALTORS®. In 2021, during my presidency, my biggest thing was health and wellness and trying to be happy with the situation you are in. I'm a recovering accountant like yourself. I went down a path that I thought I was supposed to do.
I'm a first-generation Italian-American. My parents are from Italy. Being the good boy and doing what I had to do, I then realized that I wasn't happy. Now, I'm in real estate. I'm going past a decade and have started to shine in this industry. It reflects the fact that I was the president in 2021 and the National Association Director now. I'm happy setting myself up in a nice groove. That's where we are now.
To get started, let's start from the beginning. I would love to hear a little background since your parents are immigrants and about your upbringing there. When did they come over to America? What is that story?
My parents are from Abruzzo, which is on the mountainside. I refer to myself as a redneck Italian because they were from the mountains. My mother's father and my father's father were good friends in this small town. They connected them. They came here in the late '60s. Real estate was what my dad took on and started to shine with. He came here with nothing and had three jobs. He is a total stereotype, working in a warehouse and all this stuff. He did a lot with what he had. I'm proud of him. His work ethic was phenomenal.
Why did they decide to come to America?
It's the land of opportunity. Their parents were very adamant about them having an opportunity and not looking back. In that time, that's pretty much the goal. A lot of people were looking at America as the land of opportunity.
He was working three jobs and got into real estate. When did that happen and why?
That's an interesting little story. In the Boston area, before Macy's, it was Jordan Marsh. My dad got a job in the warehouse at Jordan Marsh and worked there for twenty years. He was part of the Teamsters Union. I'm growing up and I'm off to college. My dad ends up getting laid off from his job. He was doing other jobs as well like cleaning floors. It's very stereotypical. I was a freshman at that time and he was out of a job, "What am I going to do?" He had invested in real estate in the '70s. I said to him, "Why don't you get your real estate license?"
This was in 1990 when I was a freshman in college. He was like, "I'm not good with tests." He didn't excel at school. I had the test with him. I studied. It was a strong bonding experience between the two of us. We both got our licenses in 1991. I finished college and went off into accounting. He excelled and became an award-winner on the South Shore of Boston as a real estate agent. It was a cute story and it bonded us.
“Work-life balance must always be part of your life, no matter how stressed you are. If a business deal falls apart, there will be another one.”
Before we go further into you being an accountant, what about your mom? What did she do?
That's where I've got my accounting from. She is very financial-minded. When she came here, she got a job at State Street Bank in that type of role. She worked there for 25 years. Back in the day, there were a lot of years and commitment to these companies, which is so different now.
When you were little, you saw your parents struggle as immigrants. Were your grandparents here? Were you guys alone? Did you have a bigger immigrant community?
I'm from Quincy, Massachusetts. When I was growing up, it was a bigger Irish community and probably 25% are Italian. It was pretty big. The neighborhood that we lived in was a mix of people. It's stereotypical. We lived in a three-family house, and my grandparents lived upstairs from me. They were a very important part of my life for many years. They didn't speak English. They didn't drive a car. We were responsible for making sure they got to the doctor's appointments or the supermarket. It was a great way to grow up with the family all around each other. I named my kids after my grandfather. My wife got to know them. They are a big part of my family and I miss them big time.
Do you speak Italian?
I do.
What did you learn from your grandparents when you were younger?
My parents were working so much. My grandparents raised me a little bit, even though we were all together. My grandparents taught me empathy and to be a good person. They were amazing. I couldn't even imagine my life without them. My wife was lucky to meet them as well. We have been together for a long time. Even though my grandparents didn't speak English, they thought they did. They would communicate with her all the time. She would smile and nod her head. I learned a lot. They taught me empathy, how to care for others and to be a good person.
Seeing all this, you have seen them take risks coming to another country. Everyone is supporting each other. As a child, what was it that you imagined yourself when you grew up? What were the things that you dreamed about?
I went to a Catholic school. I was a Catholic schoolboy and altar boy. My life was going to be a part of the family. I remember joking with my grandmother when I graduated from college. I was like, "I'm thinking about moving to New York City to have some fun." She was like, "You can't do that to me. You are not going anywhere. You are staying here." I always thought about becoming a financial manager, having a family, and being close to home. That was pretty much embedded in my brain from the time I was growing up.
When you were going to college then, since you were thinking about being a financial manager, is that why you chose Accounting? How did you end up in Accounting?
I chose Accounting because my mother told me to.
What was her reason for that?
Success And Wellness: Whatever your career is, it's important to communicate with the people around you for support. Without it, you will feel guilty.
She thought, "Get a Business degree." I went to Suffolk University. I tested with various subject matters. Accounting is where I was good at. It's funny how my mother was good with numbers. Now, I noticed my fifteen-year-old is good with numbers. It becomes genetic to some degree.
You are in Accounting. You are getting your real estate license with your dad. Were you starting to see your interest in real estate then, or was it about your dad and you finishing Accounting at that point?
It was just to help him out.
Where did you end up working after you graduated?
I went to State Street Bank. I didn't do accounting, which was funny. At that point, I was starting to think that I didn't like it, even though I was good at it. It was weird. I have an in and out. I ended up going to PricewaterhouseCoopers when I was a little bit older. I went in as a Senior Manager. It's not on the partner track. I was always fighting and resisting it.
Why do you think that?
My dad is more personable and salesy. I'm a realtor now. I don't want to be sitting in an office for eight hours a day. I always fought it. When I ended up becoming a CFO, my 100% focus was making sure I was meeting with clients, doing the social component, and taking people to lunch. All the inner office stuff, I will not do it. I will let someone else do it.
What spawned you to then make this pivot or change into real estate?
I was the CFO of a 50-person public relations firm. That was the pinnacle of where my career was. I had been there for seven years. All of a sudden, in 2008, it was the financial collapse. We had millions of dollars in outstanding receivables, and I'm laying people off. It was miserable. I had a box of tissues on my desk as I was laying people off. It screwed up my insides. I had a baby and then I had a cancer scare. There was a huge amount of things going on. 2007 to 2009 was very life-awakening. I'm appreciating my life and trying to figure out what made me happy.
My real estate license was always active. I just never thought about it. As people were moving around, one of my friends was going to sell his house in the South End of Boston, which is a hot neighborhood. It was my first listing. It was $1.2 million. I absolutely loved the process. I did a broker's open house and it was social. I was like, "I can't even believe I hadn't been doing this. I love this." That's what pushed me over the edge. I held onto doing that type of accounting work. I ended up becoming a consultant. I went to Harvard trying to do the consulting thing. I kept realizing that this was not what I wanted to do. It was a couple of years. It was 2 or 3 years that I held on and I couldn't let go of it. I finally let go in 2012.
I have interviewed other salespeople and real estate professionals on this show, especially in real estate, hearing the struggle of the selling process and the rejection. To make that transition and leap, you guided your father to do that while you were in college. Did you summon that back up when you were making this change? What went through the process of taking the risk and not being scared to do it?
To some degree, it was the support from my wife. I know she was more of like, "Why don't you try to take a lesser position in a financial capacity?" I noticed that I was good at it and met a lot of people over the years. It's about networking and referrals. A lot of my business was people that knew me from my previous life, and they trusted me. When I was getting into those, they were starting to refer me. My referral base started to blow up. I said, "I need to do this." My wife noticed how happy it made me.
After everything we had gone through the previous years, it solidified our relationship too. It was a team effort. She works at Harvard University. She is an HR. I was lucky that I had that stability. I was on her medical insurance and stuff like that. We looked at it from a team perspective. She knew it was going to be a little while to get me up and running. I haven't looked back. It has been amazing.
“Toxic people will sprinkle in your life but always work on terminating them. ”
That is important in any career changes or starting a new business or sales. Whatever your career is, honestly, it's to have that communication with the people around you for support when you are going about doing it. The problem is when you don't have that support, then you feel guilty. You knew you could put in the time because she understood but you were communicating, which is an important lesson in anybody's career that we can't always do it alone. As far as getting started, you had this referral base but still, sales are sales. What were you able to take from either other generations that you saw or your own lessons in your career to help you to be successful in this?
Right out of the gate, there are a ton of hours. From my previous life, I knew that you had to put the hours into it. For the first few years, it was stressful trying to get through financially. I felt like I was starting to get into that groove again of overworking too much and taking away from the family. After that two-year mark, I was like, "I need to redefine how I do this." I started taking a lot of time back for myself and my family like shutting my phone off at dinner.
I still try not to work on Saturdays. It's soccer day for my kids or hanging out and going to the movies. That made me step back and realize that work-life balance still needs to be part of my life, no matter how stressed I am. If a deal falls apart, there's going to be another one. That's why I was able to get through the tough times. I'm making sure that I understand what is important in my life and sticking with that.
As far as when you say a deal doesn't go through, what did you learn about how to make sure a deal goes through?
One thing I learned from PwC is how to fire and terminate clients. That's one of the biggest takeaways that I have taken with me from my previous life. It's amazing when there are toxic people or clients that are bringing you down. That is one of the biggest things I have done to help me get through. I don't need to work with toxic people that don't respect me or value what we do. That has changed my life.
Did you centralize on a certain market or niche? Were you more of a generalist?
I'm a residential realtor that does single-families, condos and multifamilies. My office is based out of Cambridge because of my connection with Harvard and MIT, even though I live in the suburbs of Boston. I do have kids to feed. There are a couple of roads in the Boston area, Route 128 and Route 495, that circle the City of Boston. I'm familiar. I grew up in the area. I try to focus on within a certain parameter so I can be that expert.
I do work for Sotheby's. What I have done is I was able to refer people out to other markets that I'm not necessarily comfortable in. It does come across positively with clients who know that I'm not trying to stretch and I'm able to get someone good. I'm not far from my office. It depends on the traffic. That's pretty much how I focus on my business.
Was there anything that you went to your father about as you started going into this to ask for advice or what he might have told you in getting into this profession?
It's about connections. Over the decades, he has been able to establish himself with a great deal of respect. That's one thing I noticed. When I did start dipping my toe into the market or real estate community, they were like, "Aren't you Gus' son?" That would make me feel warm and fuzzy because they are all like, "He is such a great guy. I have had a couple of deals with him."
He was in the suburbs and I was in the city. We were not together for pretty much the whole time since 2008 when I started getting more involved in real estate. He decided to join Sotheby's with me. We created a team after all these years, which is funny. It's great. He has got so many connections. It's more like a comfort thing. I'm happy to have him in the family now.
How will that change how you go about doing what you do, now that it's a family business?
I don't think it's going to change anything. We continue on the path of making those connections and doing what we do. He is sitting on the South Shore in an office and I'm sitting in Cambridge. We are now able to expand our footprint.
Success And Wellness: Real estate is all about connections. When building your career, work on establishing yourself with a great deal of respect.
I have been talking to the Greater Boston Association of REALTORS® for a while now because you guys first reached out when it was COVID, and things have kept changing with the conference. What have you seen are the struggles of people taking care of their wellness through this time, especially in your profession? How have you been able to demonstrate doing that for the members of that association?
It was tough. I have to admit. This is our life. There are still situations where people have to move. During the lockdown, being part of the association was significant because we were able to work with our government agencies. We were essential, which was phenomenal because we had transactions that still had to move forward and close. That's one of the reasons I joined the board and became the president in 2021. It's the amount of impact we are able to have on our community.
We were able to do the big thing of making us essential but also work with the fire department. The fire department has to come and visit and certify the smoke inspectors for every sale. We were able to get a waiver because people didn't want the fire department coming into their apartments. There were challenges. The thing is I have made myself better as a practitioner on the ground by being that high-level person in making an impact on the industry. That flows through to my clients. They see how I'm able to impact their lives, but also that I'm part of the overall community.
For a lot of real estate professionals, from the outside, it looked like they are making tons of money now. There are so many houses going up for sale. The prices are the highest they have ever been. Through the different associations that I have spoken to, what looks like from the outside has been a hard work-life balance on the inside, and being successful in that environment. What were some of the things that you were seeing out there?
It's a brutal market. It has been hard. It's the lowest inventory we ever had and the highest demand. It's a very tough situation we are in. In 2021, during my presidency, there was depression. People are frustrated. They are afraid. What we did from an association perspective is we tried to accommodate by doing as many Zoom calls as we could. As things progressed, we were dipping our toes and trying to figure out, "Do you want to come back in person?" We're offering those things. We did a lot of educational series in 2021. We wanted you to come on board. I was like, “Are you coming to our roadshow?" From an association perspective, it's letting our members know that we are there for them, “Whatever it takes, we will try to help you.”
An important thing for all people to realize is not everything is the way it seems. There are so many people, whether they are salespeople, entrepreneurs or whatever it is. With the world changing, it changed everything. For me, I decided to close my yoga business. During this time, there are so many times that we don't realize what people are going through. We are feeling stressed or not utilizing ways to get ourselves present. We have these natural tools that help us right within our workday. What were some of the things that you were doing during this time to keep yourself centered, not falling into depression or just keeping yourself well?
I have two children. It's two boys. I try to make sure that they see how things are going with us. I have noticed that they are striving. They are doing well, thankfully. They could bog themselves down into depression, especially when they were doing hybrid learning. At the end of the day, I shut my phone off for dinner. I want to make sure that we are present. I asked both of them to tell me something good about what happened in their lives.
That's one of the biggest things I have noticed. I have been doing that for years now. It centers us and puts us together. Unfortunately, the TV is on sometimes. Sometimes, I have to turn it off or put the mute button on. It comes down to centering yourself in your life. If you don't have kids, use a pet or workout or something. I feel that is guarded time. I defend that time. I do not want to work on Saturdays.
It's big in your field to not work on Saturdays.
As I was leading into leadership at the association, one thing that I decided was I was going to hire an assistant. I was going to guard my calendar and hyper-focus on it. If a client wants to be out on Saturday, they are going to have to go with my assistant. There's no messing around. I have full disclosure to all my clients that this is the world that I'm in. I have noticed that they respect it tremendously because they had it in their lives. That's why the clients who don't respect me or respect my time, I don't have time to work with them. I will be glad to refer them to someone else. That has been so instrumental in my life. Others need to look at that as well.
It's being transparent and that it's not personal, "This is what I do in my life. If you want to work with me, you have to know that." That upfront communication is important. What I like to do is I ask a few rapid-fire questions at the end, and you pick a category. The category is either family and friends, money, spiritual or health. You can choose one of those.
Let's do money.
“Be nicer to each other. Be empathetic. Don’t immediately snap at someone.”
Things or actions that I don't have that I want with money?
I would like to continue to refocus on my business more so than I have because I took some time off with the association. I want to get to that point, start to invest back into my business, and get myself to another level.
Things or actions that I do have that I want to keep as far as money?
I'm guarding my calendar and schedule. That will contribute to being able to spread my business out even more.
Things or actions that I don't have that I don't want?
I don't want toxic people in my life. They do sprinkle in, but then I end up terminating those relationships. I want that to continue to flow through me and out of me.
It’s to be able to catch it early.
That's a tough one. Sometimes you hold on too long.
Last question, things or actions that I do have that I don't want as far as money?
I do have the luxury of doing vacations. What I don't want is to stop or not go on a vacation because that's something that I noticed with a lot of people. They go too long and they don't schedule a vacation in their time. I don't want to do that.
Is there anything that you want to share with the audience that we didn't go over or some takeaway that you want to make sure people have, walking away from this conversation?
They have to continue to be mindful of their business. Your book does a good job of making sure that you are aware of what you are doing. I did a video every month. It was called the Monthly Minute. We would communicate with our membership. At the very end, I would say, "Be nicer to each other." That's one of the biggest things. Be empathetic. Don't immediately snap at someone. We are all in this together. We've got to get through this together.
Thank you so much for taking the time for this conversation. I'm sure the readers will be able to take a lot of actions from this in their own lives.
Success And Wellness: The pandemic made everyone feel stressed or not utilize ways to get themselves present.
Thank you so much, Amy. I'm looking forward to meeting you.
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For my Mindful Moments of the takeaways from this interview with Dino, all of us should highlight in our own lives, step back, and take some moments to reflect on our own history and the people that have affected you to see how you are utilizing those lessons. The reason that I say that is because during this interview, you could see how much effect in Dino's life that he had from his parents and grandparents of watching them and being a part of their lives. It is so important to understand in our own lives the effect we have on the people around us that we might not even realize. That's younger generations, people that are peers, and so forth.
We talked about his family being immigrants and living with his grandparents and parents. He worked with his father as his father decided to move into the real estate industry after years of working hard labor jobs and helping him get through college. Dino is giving back to his father when he made this choice to pivot his career and life to real estate, where he helped study with him and get his real estate license as well. Little did he know he would be using that later. His financial side came from his mother who worked in a bank for 25 years.
This shaped the person that Dino became and what career he chose by becoming an accountant and a CPA, but also keeping up with what his father was doing along the way and the success that was working out for his father in the real estate industry. The other people that were very influential from the conversation that I had with him were his grandparents. It was interesting how he has melded the work experience that he saw from his father and mother, and the compassion and empathy lessons that he received from his grandparents growing up. That has molded him into the profession and how he works with clients and the people around him.
We talked about the fact that he went on this path of being an accountant and had a very successful career. At a certain point, he decided that he wanted to make a pivot into his life so that he could be working more with clients rather than behind a computer. We all have these moments in our life where there's a change. It's not anything we know is coming for us. Whatever it is that opened our eyes to that change, it's taking a step back and pausing in those moments rather than forcing yourself to keep moving forward and going against your gut or intuition of your body sending you messages that something is off.
Another important point here was that he got support from his wife to make this change. She trusted him. She trusted in his skills. That also helped him have the confidence to make the shift and pivot into the real estate industry from being a CFO. One of the lessons that he learned along the way that is important as we go into a new career, whether we are experienced in our career or whatever it may be, is setting boundaries. He talked about boundaries in a couple of ways.
One is not overworking because that can easily happen as we are trying to be successful, but then it cuts into our family life and personal life. We realize how much that matters in the end where work may go away. If we are not present for the people around us, it can affect us not only emotionally but sometimes health-wise as well. An important boundary that he put in place, which is hard in the real estate industry, was not working on Saturdays. In the accounting profession, this also runs the same gamut of working long hours on the weekends.
It's thinking about how you can set those boundaries and still accomplish what you need to accomplish. That led to the second lesson, which is firing the clients that are toxic. They are not the people you should be working with. They don't appreciate the value that you are creating for them and the time that you are creating with them. Also, decide what kind of relationships you want to have with your clients. If people do not fit those criteria, it's important to write down what those criteria are. What it does is make you unhappy with the work that you are doing. No person is worth that. It's important that we fill our lives with people who are not toxic and contribute in a positive way.
The third lesson that he had came from his father. It was all about connections and relationships. People need to respect you and spend time with people so that they know you care. This is an important lesson. When we decide the people we want to work with, we also decide how we want to show up for those people. It's making sure that we set the right time aside so that they feel that they matter, that you care, and that you are there to support them.
Some ways that he has been able to set these boundaries are at a meal, at dinner when he is with his family, making sure that he has shut his phone down, and also asking the people around him to shut their phone and the TV down. They have a conversation to get to know one another and see what is happening in each other's day and how you can be there to support your family. Also, it's making sure that you have got your time guarded. How you are going to use that time is very intentional.
It's making sure that you center your activities, relationships, clients, and all those types of things. You prioritize where they work best in your day, but it's a non-negotiable. Unless it is a complete fire drill, most things can wait as long as you let people know when you will be able to get to it. It's important as we walk away from this conversation to realize how important relationships are, whether that's in business, our family or friends, and that we are making time for it. We are showing up to the people around us that we are caring.
That pays off in ways that we might not even realize when we are setting that time aside or it wasn't our intention in the first place. People know that you care. The most important thing is how someone walks away from you. It isn't about what you said or what you did. It's how you make those people feel and how you make yourself feel in the end. I hope you enjoyed this interview with Dino and you were able to take away some lessons that you can think about of how to incorporate into your day.
Please share, like and subscribe to this show. Also, a new benefit that I have for my B3 Method members is live virtual yoga, meditation and mindfulness classes every single day. They are a recorded library of classes. It's not only on mindfulness content but also yoga and mindfulness classes that have been live are on the recorded library as well. This is all $29.95 a month. You can join for 30 days free. Put in the code B3FREE and try it out if you go to BusinessBalanceBliss.com. I hope to virtually see you there.
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About Dino Confalone
As the 2021 President of the Greater Boston Association of Realtors and 2022 National Director, Dino leverages three decades of corporate and real estate experience to deliver leadership, knowledge and value. Dino’s professionalism and moral compass has set him apart. Clients describe him as calming and trustworthy. A Top Producer within the Sotheby’s network, he delivers a high level of production with a small company feel. A Suffolk University graduate, Dino has partnered with organizations such as Harvard, MIT, PwC and Arnold Worldwide. He has received several awards including a Silver Achievement for his leadership with the Global Business Council. He contributes to several non-profits and raises money for “Our Place” a daycare for homeless children. Dino and his wife Kristen are proud parents of soccer loving boys.