Episode 160: What Is Your Superpower With T.H. Irwin
Unlocking your superpower and creating genuine connections in a world often driven by isolation is an art, and T.H. Irwin, CEO of T.H. Experiences, has mastered it. In this episode, we dive deep into T.H.'s inspiring journey, exploring how her passion for community has fueled her entrepreneurial spirit and led her to craft impactful, signature Next Level experiences for women. From curating large-scale events with thousands of attendees to fostering intimate gatherings that empower and educate, T.H. shares her secrets to building safe spaces where women can connect, thrive, and realize they are never alone. Join us as we uncover the magic behind creating memorable moments and discover how finding the fun in being in other people's company can truly unlock your own hidden potential.
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What Is Your Superpower With T.H. Irwin
Welcome to this episode of the show, where I interviewed T.H. Irwin, who is the CEO of T.H. Experiences and the creator of dozens of public-facing experiences with attendance ranging from 200 to 10,000 people. T.H. curates signature next-level experiences that are intentional and impactful with more than a decade of experience developing, implementing marketing, and producing high engagement experiences.
The mission of empowering and educating women is a top priority. Her signature experience includes Women for Women Today, #EveryWoman, and The Night Market. T.H. is also the co-founder of exEXPERTS and the Divorce etc... Podcast, using her own divorce journey to educate and empower anyone touched by divorce with free resources and support.
During this interview with T.H., we discuss her journey of creating connections and finding the fun in other people's company. That passion for community has driven her to create experiences in her entrepreneurial life that have helped women unlock their superpower word and create a safe place to connect and know they are not alone. I hope you enjoy this episode with T.H. and the stories that she shares about her own life so that you can apply those lessons to your own.
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Welcome to this episode of the show. I am here with T.H. Irwin. T.H., do you want to give everyone a brief background on yourself before we get started?
I am happy to. It's an extensive background, so I'm not sure where exactly to start.
Start with where you are, and then we'll get started.
Superpower Words, Jersey Roots & Childhood Adventures
Where I am is as a woman, and I am a creator. When we first spoke, we talked about what our superpower word was. I, at least in the last several years, tapped into what is my superpower to define who I am as a human being and less about who I serve other than myself first. I'm a creator of impactful and memorable experiences for people.
Your Superpower: I'm a creator of impactful and memorable experiences for people.
I used to work for a traditional media company, bringing their products to life and giving their products a personality. I was always in the background. In the last several years, I had the opportunity to refresh the experiences that I had created, repossess them as my signature experiences, and tap into engagement and intention. When people create a festival, you never forget the festival, but think about the people who built that so you could be there with your friends, the music, and all of those things. Who I am is a creator of awesome experiences.
I live in Northern New Jersey. I love to go to Vermont or anywhere in the mountains. It makes me a much happier person. I work out easily every day. I played golf. Another day, I'll hike. I don't care. I enjoy being outside. For semantics, I have three awesome kids. I have a dog. Her name is Daisy. I have a step dog. Her name is Mooney. I shack up with my forever man in Northern New Jersey. That’s where I am.
I can't wait to get into all that, but let's start where you began. Where'd you grow up, and what did your parents do for a living?
I grew up in Northern New Jersey. What was key about where I grew up was how far I was from New York City. Everything was measured by your distance from the city. I have a brother. He's two years younger than me. My mom was a teacher, and she had to stop teaching when she got pregnant. Can you imagine that now? My dad was a lawyer, a business attorney. He worked in Manhattan. He calculated that he spent more than a year of his life commuting in and out of New York City all those years. I grew up in the suburbs of New York, as far as I'm concerned, and it was great. My closest friends are my high school friends. I am no longer in my twenties, thirties, or forties.
What kind of hobbies did you have growing up? What were the things that most interested you?
Growing up, it was whatever my friends were doing. I did whatever they did. If they wanted to join tennis and we could get out of school at 2:00, then I joined tennis. If we had to run track in order to still get out early, and it wasn't tennis season, we did that. We got caught getting a ride down to the track and then had to run like a stupid amount. I hate running. My favorite thing to do growing up was to be with my friends. We had a great time. We laughed, played, danced, and explored. We spent a lot of fun times together.
For all the younger people here, think COVID because that's what it was like growing up in the ‘70s and ‘80s. I used to hike with my brother. We didn't even call it a hike. We had 40 acres of woods behind our home, maybe more, and here was a tower somewhere in the middle. We would go and get lost all day. Our parents weren't looking for us. They were busy playing golf, or they were with their friends. We didn't have cell phones. We were lost in the woods for hours. It was spending time with people who make me happy.
I was having this conversation. There are so many things you think about that probably wouldn't be allowed now. When you talk about that, I was talking about day camp with capture the flag. You'd be lost in the forest. Now, you can't even imagine kids being allowed to do something like that.
There are TV shows about it. We could do it. We could be lost, afraid, and winning.
What was your ambition when you wanted to grow up? What is it that you wanted to do?
Art, French, & Business: Navigating College & Early Ambitions
I don't think I knew. I went to Syracuse University. I had a great time and great friends. I went to great parties. I love music. I love a concert. Originally, I was an art history major and a French major. My grandmother used to collect art, and she also commissioned art. She has a great eye for beautiful things. No one invited me. In my own head, I was like, “I'll take over her art business in Canada.” It's unrealistic all around.
The truth is, you can't do that. You have to have an eye for it. She discovered a lot of artists who became huge celebrity artists and impactful on culture and everything. You can't say, “I'm going to do that, too.” You have to have an eye for it. I spent time with her, but I was on this path. What was I going to do with French as a major? I didn't know.
I did very well in my freshman year at Syracuse. I was not an A student or anywhere near it before Syracuse. I got straight As, and my dad was like, “Great. Now transfer out and go to a better school.” I said, “I don't want to leave. I have great friends here. What if I transferred to the business school?” We agreed to that. I was a marketing major.
I then started to see how creative I was. I love to dream things up. I'm not an artist. I can't paint. I am tone deaf. I can't sing. I played the flute for many years, but if you put a gun to my head, I probably wouldn't be able to play it. I always had creativity about me. I started to learn that in college with these marketing case studies, promotions, and all that kind of stuff. I loved that. When I graduated from college, job opportunities were in the newspaper. I found, in the Classified Section under marketing, a job. I applied for it, and I got it in New York City.
What was that job?
For a marketing research firm. If any of you know New York or live in New York, it's Bryant Park. When I worked there, there was one chair in the middle of a park with probably a bunch of druggies. I would try to get out for lunch from 10:00 to 12:00, so I could be the one sitting in that chair. I also knew that I loved to be outside. I grew up skiing. I liked to be out.
I learned about marketing research and how new products are built, tested, curated, and then sold. I wanted to be on the other side. I wanted to be on the client side of that. When I spoke to those people, they said, “You have to go to graduate school,” so I did. I went to graduate school for two years in New York. I had great internships during that time. I worked for Wise Foods, which makes potato chips. I got to do a sponsorship at World Wrestling Entertainment or WWE. We sponsored the chairs ringside. That was cool.
I worked for Mercedes-Benz. They didn't have anything called pre-owned cars back then. They worked on a signature program that I got to be a part of. That's when the term pre-owned was coined. Mercedes-Benz should have trademarked it, but did not. That was cool. I was feeding my creative love, my love of like, “What do you want to do with a pre-owned car? What could I do with that? Would that be fun? Do I want to drive it? Do I need a manual? Do I need a warranty?” It was fun to dream stuff up. That was another stepping stone.
I went to be interviewed at traditional consumer products companies. It's so interesting because I don't remember a lot of stuff, but I remember that I interviewed at the company that produces Dove soap. They asked me, “What would you do with Dove soap over the next five years?” I said, “I wouldn't do anything. It's perfect the way it is. It's a bar of soap. Everybody loves Dove soap.” Have you guys looked in the supermarkets and drug stores for Dove soap? Body washes, different pumps, and different fragrances. I did not belong there because I wasn't a visionary for their product, and I don't blame them.
I was hired by a large consulting firm. Arthur Anderson was the name. You might know Accenture, which was the spinoff. First, it was Anderson Consulting, and then they changed the name to Accenture. Arthur Anderson was still sitting without a consulting arm when that division of the company happened. I got a job with them, and it was cool.
I worked on New Power. I worked on Y2K with Omnicom. I got to do a lot of cool stuff. It was great because my job changed every few months. I was on a different project. At that time, I was already married. I was pregnant with my second daughter. I thought that they were very kind because they let me work part-time. In this day and age, you get six months' maternity leave. I got two eight weeks, and they let me cut my salary in half and work part-time. I thought that was great because then I could still work and have babies. That's all that was available at that time. Then, Enron hit. If you didn't study that in college, then you should know it anyway.
We have mostly accountants tuning in to this show.
That's right. You're a CPA. Enron hit, and 85,000 people lost their jobs. I was among the first to go. KPMG absorbed a lot of that staff. Now, they would never close an entire company for bad behavior from a dozen people, but an example was set. That's that story. I was always a scrappy person. eBay was new, and I started selling everybody's stuff in the house. I was like, “You don't use that toy. You don't wear that tie. We don't use that furniture.” I started playing with eBay, and it was great. It was great to feel like I could make my own money.
I started selling the innards of homes before they were demoed, such as doors, knobs, light fixtures, appliances, cabinetry, closet organizing, all of it. I started selling the innards of homes that people didn't like. My area is an affluent area. Someone bought a townhouse for $3 million. They were like, “I don't like the kitchen. I don't like any of the closets. I don't like any of the bathrooms. Rip them all out.” It was brand-new. I sold them all. I became friends with the brokers. I gave them a piece, and I made some money. It was awesome.
You got into this because of eBay? You found the niche?
Yeah, because I learned how to resell stuff. I could sell anything. What that taught me, looking back, is that I learned how to sell. I learned how to brand, and I learned how to think. I learned how to market, and I learned how to promote. I could sell a pencil and tell you why it's the best pencil that you should ever have. Looking back and talking about it in this interview, I'm seeing how my skillset was slowly building.
Your Superpower: I learned how to sell, brand, and think. But now, I've learned how to market and promote.
Was there anyone along the way who gave you advice or whom you looked up to?
Mentors, Big Dreams & Building A Career Foundation
I always looked up to my dad. He is a great listener. I didn't have a mentor. I had a great boss when I worked in the market research firm. She taught me a lot. I feel like I was always the biggest dreamer in the company I was with. I was always thinking bigger than everybody else. Everybody else was like, “That's not the assignment. The assignment is A, B, and C. We're not doing RST or UVW. We're not going that far. We're only doing this.” I was always building confidence. I was like, “I could sell that.”
It's an interesting part to pause on because I notice in my 50s, when someone's young like that, a lot of times, it's because they're young that they're thinking RSTUV.
Being naive?
It’s that you think everything is possible. You don't realize the firing order or the sequence of things that have to happen. You can look at those things and say, “That spawned me to do this because I hit a wall or so forth.” Looking back, do you see a different knowledge in that advice?
Honestly, you should always dream big, but you do have to know the basics. My starting out in marketing research was a great foundation for everything I do now. When I do an event and I do an experience, is it the right market? Is it the right time? Who is my audience? What do they read? What do they watch? What do they listen to? Where do they spend their money? Am I only appealing to a White woman? Is this a diverse audience topic? I know that the market research experience for four years was critical in understanding that you need to have a foundation.
I was driving around Wichita, Kansas, making sure that Snickers’ brand-new frozen chocolate bars and ice cream were properly marketed in the freezers in the convenience stores throughout Wichita, Kansas. Something as simple as that helped me build the foundation for everything I do now. You should dream big, but you cannot let go of the importance of the right foundation, structure, and approach. It doesn't mean you jump from A to Z. You can still dream about Z, but build towards it in the right way.
Your Superpower: You should dream big, but don't forget the importance of the right foundation, structure, and approach.
Also, realize that it might not happen tomorrow.
It won't happen tomorrow. Things do take time. I'm only up to 2011 in this story of my career. One of the important things to know is to be a good listener. That's hard to do when you're young because you think you're a know-it-all, but you know nothing. First, listen and then share, and ask questions all the time. Don't worry if it makes you look dumb or it makes you look young. It makes you look stronger when you ask a question.
You're weak when you don't ask the question and you don't know. You're floating, hoping you're not going to screw something up. Listen, be present, and ask the questions. Ask the questions to the right people. Not to the CEO, but to your direct report or a mentor. You can Google it. There are so many places that are “safer” to ask questions, to build your knowledge base. If you don't know, there are ways to find out.
How did you develop these experiences that have led you to what you do?
I was divorced, which was part of my journey here, and had to get back to a more traditional job, like working at an Arthur Anderson or some incorporated.
Divorce & Reinvention: Returning To Traditional Work
How long ago were you divorced?
I separated in 2008. It took four years for my divorce. That's a whole other fun story that we can lock into. You can check out my other company for all those details. It did wake me up. I had lost touch with who I was and what's important to me, and I became robotic. It was good that I was being pushed to get back to a traditional job because I was a shell of a person. I was not even functioning at 20%.
When you're in a bad, toxic relationship, it will suck everything out of you. At this time, I had 3 kids under 8 when I separated, and I was working. I had to get them to school. I had to get to work. I had to pick them up, I had to bring them home. I had to make sure they had food and went to bed safely, and then do it again the next day. That was it. That's all I felt I had to do.
You're in the freedom and the dream state of creating, and you're having to go back to a traditional job. How did you figure out what you wanted to do at that point?
My dreams were diminished, especially during the last four years of my marriage from 2004 to 2008. I became less and less of myself. I was always scrappy, though, on the computer. For eBay, I'd go to the outlets. I'd buy stuff. It had to be returned in two weeks to get your money back. I'd sell what I could and then drive back.
I was pretty well-versed in computers. I found this woman who started a startup called Suburban Mama. I was like, “I love that name. I've got to find this woman.” She was busy building a startup. She was a tech person. It was a Groupon model for Bergen County, New Jersey, businesses only. She made it hyperlocal Groupon deals, steals, and experiences.
I finally got her and said, “When can you meet? I'll make myself available.” I met her at Starbucks. She said, “I would like to do in-person events.” I go, “Great. I'm your girl.” I didn't know what I was doing, but I liked a party, and I had 3 kids under 8 who I could juggle with the job. In terms of logistics, project management, and time, I can figure it out. Plus, I was creative. That helped me tap back into my creative mind. We did these mama night out events, and they were awesome.
Groupon had burned a lot of small businesses, so we were getting pushed back for Suburban Mama. She said, “I want you to come with me to the media company. I have now curated a list of over 30,000 females in Bergen County.” That has value. I went with her to the publisher. When you're in high school, I don't know about you, but I didn't know what any of my friends' parents did. Who cared? They had a nice house. We had a party. They could drive us places. That's it.
I walked into the media company, and I was introduced to the publisher, or should I say, reintroduced, because he and I went to high school together. He was my friend. He was two years older than me. We lost touch. I said, “I think I'm done with her. I need something new.” He goes, “Great. I want to start an events division here.” He published a daily newspaper, a weekly newspaper, and a magazine. I said, “Great. I can do it.”
It was owning that mantra of, “I can do it,” and also the idea of saying yes before no. I could have said, “I haven't done this. I don't know how to do this. I don't think I can do that,” but instead of that messaging, I said, “Yes,” and then I couldn't take it back. I had to present in front of all his department heads, and they said, “Good. Bring her in.”
It was a little hard at first because I was the owner's friend. They were like, “He is bringing in another one of his friends. Great.” I had to prove myself, and I did. I created 8 original events a year, and I produced 12. He said, “You have all the resources. You have marketing, graphic design, sales, legal, finance, everything, but you are the only one on the events team.” I did it all and had my kids to and from school.
That was my zone of genius. That's how I landed where I am. I had a little rest during COVID where I started. That was my first experience as an entrepreneur. I've refreshed two of my favorite experiences from when I worked at the media company, which was subsequently bought by USA Today. All of my local events stopped. I scaled 1 of my events across the country in 9 cities over 3 years.
Finding The Zone Of Genius: Passion, Creativity & Challenge
When you say you found your zone of genius, what did that feel like? Why was that different than anything else you had done?
I felt like I was arriving. I don't know exactly how to explain it. It’s also like what you said in your TED Talk, how you had this transition moment. You're like, “Do I want to be doing this for 35 years or 32 years?” I didn't stop and think that, but something went off in my head that this was a great challenge. It filled me up with so much excitement that I had to jump on it. I had to stay with it. I rode that wave, and I didn't know what was ahead of me.
He gave me creative freedom. He said, “Don't lose money, and you can try whatever you want.” I’d make a lot of money on some events. Some events were a total bust, and I had to be humbled. No one came to one of my events. I was embarrassed, but then I learned I can't guarantee who shows up for anything ever, and neither can anyone else. All of you out there, if anyone promises you, “We guarantee,” they are lying. It's like, “We guarantee that all your wrinkles will be gone when you use this one moisturizer,” or, “If you don't eat gluten, you'll drop 100 pounds.” Whatever sounds too good to be true, know it's too good to be true.
Your Superpower: If anyone makes you guarantees, they're lying.
Another thing that you said in that story, which a lot of people struggle with, and it may be for different reasons, is proving yourself. There's typically a process to doing it because it's not telling everyone how great you are when you walk in the door. It goes back to some of the things you were saying before, but I wanted to see if this connected with what your process was at the time to gain their respect and not feel like the friend of the owner.
I started to care less about what people thought. It mattered to me because I wanted to be respected, but I am a very kind person. I am respectful, and I'm aware that I didn't want to step on toes. I'm all about asking permission for things, even to share a remark or feedback. I do that with my kids, too. It's a good tip. Permission to speak, because you want to make sure that your audience is going to listen to you and that they're in a space to listen to you. That was a big thing.
As soon as I knew I didn't have to be married to my husband anymore, I realized that I'm a good mom, that I am capable of so much more than I was given credit for, that I am so much more attractive than I was told, and all of the things. I was in a marriage with a lot of very negative messaging. You said the first thing you did was call your therapist. Working with a great therapist to help me decipher noise versus fact in my marriage also helped me understand what's noise versus fact and what I believed in myself.
We all walk around with negative messaging, like, “My ass is huge. My hair looks terrible. Those wrinkles on my neck.” That's all the stuff we put on ourselves. We do that to ourselves. That was a journey for me to understand that there's nothing wrong with me at all. That is when the journey of self-acceptance and confidence started to grow for me.
I got this opportunity to work and build a new revenue stream for a multimillion-dollar company. I was like, “Who the heck am I? What the heck do I know?” but I was trusting my gut that I could do this. I did have a therapist helping me, but I was finally at a place where I had unraveled most of the damage done during my marriage, and then I had to undo the damage that I had inflicted upon myself.
A lot of people talk about peeling the onion. I peeled the onion and felt like, “I like this. If I like it, then I can do it.” I'm not afraid to learn. I want to collaborate. I am not a know-it-all. When I talk about my success proudly, it's not because I think I am the best freaking experience creator in the world. It's because I have created my own best experiences that you can show up for if you want to. Building confidence, building drive, and validating yourself is because you're talking to people and putting yourself in a room where you're willing to receive feedback. You know when someone's being a jerk and when someone is there to help elevate both of you.
When I worked at this company, all these people had been selling newspaper ads and everything forever. I would say to them, "What worked for you?” I'm not coming in and saying, “I know how to sell a newspaper ad.” What events have they done that haven't worked for them in the past? Get all of your information that goes back to market research. Get all your information first and become friends with the people based on who they are, which also ties into my superpower question for you. Connect with people in a real way, and then they will support you, but you have to support them, too.
I don't want us to go too far into detail, but it's an important observation in your life, and it happens to many people, where you grew up in very supportive friendships and circles. It sounds like your family was supportive. There can be certain relationships that you don't realize how they've happened, but that becomes a belief system in your head. That's taken years for you to unravel it. Why do you think that happened in your life? When you knew what it was like to be supported and have community and connection, what do you think changed, or where did you miss it, if you look back?
Unraveling Negative Beliefs: Personal Growth & Self-Discovery
I never thought too much about what my future looked like. I thought it was going to be fun. I thought it was going to be great. I was like, “Wherever and whatever. Take me down the path. I'll do what I'm “supposed” to do.” I finished college at 22 years old. What do you do next? You’ve got to find a guy before you find a job, but I found the job before the guy.
I met a guy, and he listened to me. He was nice to me. He had a good job. He was going to make a lot of money. He was in finance. It was all those things. Is he going to be able to support a family? At the time, was he Jewish? Does that matter? I went along the road. The next thing you do after you find the guy is you marry the guy. I didn't have a strong voice for self-advocacy. I was in a supportive home, but I didn't self-advocate. I never spoke up and said, “That doesn't work for me.”
You even said you picked other people's hobbies. What made everybody else happy, you wanted to be part of a group.
I did what I was told. When we grow up, will we ever challenge our parents? No. You never challenge your parents. You may all read what I'm going to say and be like, “You're a spoiled brat,” which is fine. My parents were golfers. They said, “You'd better learn how to hit a golf ball and play tennis, or you're not going to be able to socialize in your adult life.” I was forced to do those things. That's not how I wanted to spend my time. I wanted to sit on a beach with my friends and have a great day. I did what I was told, and I did what I thought I was supposed to be doing. You didn't want to fail, and you didn't want to disappoint. I found what I thought was the right guy.
Growing up, I had a supportive home, but there were certain things. You had to look a certain way. Your hair had to be a certain way. You had to get certain grades. You had to speak a certain way. You had to act like a lady. We're all going back to another generation. I still think those things are important, and I've taught my kids this, but I don't have the same delivery. It's not that you're not fabulous the way you are. Back then, you were not fabulous. The hair, that body, and that outfit. You're subpar. You're not looking or acting a certain way. Maybe some of you haven't had a chance to watch Brooke Shields' documentary. Did you watch that?
Yeah, I have.
I'm reading her book. Talk about being substandard. Substandard for whom? We wanted to please our parents. I wanted to please my parents, so I married somebody who continued that messaging but in a toxic way, not in a healthy and helpful way. I was pregnant with my first daughter. I worked out all the time like I always did, and I ate carefully, but I gained 35 pounds.
I didn't know what that was going to be like. It was hard for me to lose the weight. I was 29. I wasn't going to turn around ten days later and be brand-new. I felt like it was taking too long because the message to me was, “You're not trying hard enough to lose the baby weight.” What does that mean? It was, “You don't look good. You're not good enough because you don't look great. I'm not interested because you're turning me off. Get it together. Work, lose the weight, and have a new baby.” That manifested into something big and toxic.
You can imagine that after three kids and having lost my job at Enron because of Enron the negative messaging was so pronounced that I only remember 2 good things in 13 years of marriage. I created a cookbook for Gilda's Club, and he told me he was proud of me. That's the only time he ever said anything like that to me. While we were married, I went to graduate school. I finished graduate school, got a new job, kicked butt at it, and was raising kids, but there was no recognition.
Were you as good at saying that you kicked but at it or were successful at that period of time as you are now? Were you as good at that age to be able to say you are successful?
No. That's when the negative messaging started taking over all of my thinking. I was not confident. I believed the words that were told to me. It's like any ad we see. You see it once and you're like, “That's interesting.” You see it twice and you're like, “Maybe I'll click on it.” The third time, you're like, “They're giving me a coupon.” The fourth one, you’re like, “I have a problem with my feet. I have to have these sole-free sneakers.” All of a sudden, you think you own a problem that you never owned. That's the kind of gaslighting that was in my marriage.
That is what a lot of those ads do. They fully gaslight you, saying, “Your liver needs a cleansing,” or, “You need better sneakers,” or, “You have to have this cream because your skin looks like crap.” I was in a marriage like that. It was emotional abuse and emotional distress, but I believed it, so I owned it. I kept it inside because I believed it. It is unraveling truth versus noise. Still, my divorce took four years, but I was able to finally take away the power that I gave him that he didn't even know he had over me. I allowed it. I served it to him on a platter. Finally, I was like, “What am I doing?”
If those thoughts come into your head, is there something you say to yourself? Is there something you do to reverse that negative programming?
They don't come into my head anymore because my relationship with him is business. I have a clear objective. At the very beginning, for many years, I couldn't speak with him on the phone because the sound of his voice and his energy were super triggering for me. I sent emails that were like a business plan. It was like, “We have a meeting agenda. I need you to answer A, B, and C,” and leave it without any emotion. I'm very well-trained now to handle that in that way.
To be able to be so open about what your successes are and what you're good at, how did you come over that chasm? A lot of people struggle with that.
Telling Your Story: Overcoming Challenges & Building Confidence
It is having the opportunity to talk to people about it. In 2020, there was a new ownership of USA Today. I left, but not knowing it was leading into a time of COVID and pandemic, where I got stimulus checks, unlimited health insurance, and unemployment. It was a great time to start a business. My best friend and I separated from our husbands at the exact same time because of their infidelity and covering for one another. We were like, “There are no resources out there to help us.”
The best day of my life is the day I found out that I didn't have to be married to my husband anymore, but I still had 3 kids under 8, and I had to navigate a divorce process. I wasn't in a position to help anybody, but my best friend and I said, “We have to build something sometime.” In 2020, we decided to do that. We created exEXPERTS and the Divorce etc… podcast. In my first episodes on that show, you'll hear that I'm very timid. I spend time thinking before I speak. I'm very calculated and careful in what I say. Even the tone of my voice was pretty monotone. Now, mine is more vibrant and alive.
Jessica and I interviewed over 300 people, and we were interviewed on almost 100 shows. The more time I was able to tell my story and talk through it, I felt like a lot of those times were therapy sessions, to be honest with you. I was like, “I realized this. I didn't even realize this before.” The more you talk about it, the more you talk through it, and the more you speak in a safe space, the more you realize you are freaking awesome.
Your Superpower: The more you talk about it, the more you talk through it, the more you speak in a safe space, the more you realize how freaking awesome you are.
The other thing that I do at times when I am struggling is journal. Journaling doesn't mean you take an open notebook with a ton of empty pages and lines in it. I love the five-minute journal. It has a great quote to start your day. It asks you for the three things that would make today great. It asks you for an affirmation, and it has one other question, and then you go through your day. I leave it next to my bed. Before you go to bed at night, write the three things that made today great and the one thing that could have been done differently.
I remember that my son was visiting. My son was home because he was away at boarding school. I had written in my nighttime what could have been better is that my son was home all day, and I didn't spend time with him. It makes you accountable for those things. I never said it out loud. No one said, “What’s the one thing you regretted today?” No one's checking in with you on that. I felt like I did need to be checked in with.
Journaling & Reflection: Tools For Positive Messaging
The next day, I said to my son, “Jay, what do you want to do today?” and made a point of that. I like journaling. That prompts me. I don't even know where to begin. It's like, “How was your day?” I’m like, “I don't know.” It’s like, “How are you doing?” I’m like, “I don't know. When? How am I doing at this moment? I can answer that question. How is my breakfast? It was pretty good.”
Even your point about your son, had you not journaled that would've been sitting inside of you, but you got it out. If you had kept it inside of you, it would've been eating at you and questioning it and how he feels instead of taking action.
That also helps you with undoing the negative messages. If you go back and read what you wrote, those points help point out good things. Many times in our day, we’re like, “I didn't get to do this. I didn't get to do that. I was late for the carpool. I screwed this up at work. I got in a fight with somebody.” It helps highlight that there are probably things in your day that you would've liked to have done differently. Let's also highlight the good things in your day. You slept. You had a few minutes to have a quiet cup of coffee. You got your workout in. I had a good poop. I don't know. Whatever. It's all good.
There's something else to be said for taking a pencil to paper and writing it down. You’re not typing it on your phone and not voice messaging it into your phone, but taking a minute to put the words on paper and write it down slows everything down. You can go back and look at it and either say, “I do want to go back and do this differently,” or, “I want to take responsibility. Jason, I am sorry I didn't get to spend time with you yesterday, but today, I want to spend time.” Those are the things to help unravel the negative messaging. Build your confidence. Learn how to tell your story and own who you are in the best way. Glorify the good. You don't have to amplify the bad all the time.
Your Superpower: Glorify the good. You don't have to amplify the battle all the time.
That's awesome. You've taken all these things and are creating your own experiences. Do you want to share with the audience what you're doing?
Today's Experiences: Women's Empowerment & Vibrant Night Markets
Yes. I've taken my favorite experiences and refreshed them. One of my signature series was called Women for Women Today. There were very few experiences that were focused on women back then, so I wanted to create a platform where women could be celebrated, like this journal, and also have other women there who could act like a mentor, like Amy is for you guys who are tuning in on the show. She's guiding you. She's giving you thoughts to think about and resonating with you at the same time. I wanted to do that in person.
I know in person, you have a different energy. You have meaningful connections like. You and I have only met on Zoom, but if you and I met in person, we'd hug and laugh. It would be next level. The experiences I create are intentionally next level, connecting on who you are, connecting on your superpower word, and leaving yourself open for more.
Everything from Women for Women Today, where you empower, connect, inspire, and learn, or my in-person night market events, which are festivals that will have you dancing in the streets for five hours, I promise you. We’ll be eating, drinking, dancing, and having fun. That's what we need in our lives, more experiences in person. They all take place in Northern New Jersey. If any of you are in the area, check out TH-Experiences.com.
I'd like to end with a couple of Rapid-fire questions. Pick a category. Family and friends, money, spiritual, or health?
Spiritual.
Things or actions I don't have that I want spiritually.
Spiritual Insights: Slowing Down & Being Present
I am not sure if it's spiritual, but it belongs in this category. You talked in your TED Talk a little bit about slowing down with yoga, and I wrote it down. You were afraid to clear your mind. Yoga is not for a Type A personality. Clearly, everybody, I am a Type A. I have done yoga, and I meditate before I go to sleep at night. That has been super challenging for me.
I climbed Mount Kilimanjaro in 2012. I trained. I worked in my hiking boots. I trained with rocks in my backpack. The truth of the matter is, the hardest part of climbing Mount Kilimanjaro has nothing to do with how slowly you have to walk or how much you have on your back. It was all mental. I was part of a group, but I slept in a tent by myself for eleven nights on a mountain in Africa with animals around me.
Physical challenges, bring it on. I will train. I will fight. I will have the best equipment to make it. I never stop to think about how that would affect me emotionally. That journal is hard for me to read, but I did journal every day on that climb. The climb was for me to be comfortable being alone and be comfortable in the quiet. When you climb a mountain that's over 19,000 feet, you are taking painfully slow steps. It was heel and toe. They call it pole pole. One pole, and then one pebble. I'm like, “We have a whole open field. Why do I have to walk slowly?” It was because you do. That was hard.
I am bringing that back into my life. The events are fast-paced. It's high adrenaline. It's exciting to meet new people, but I also need to balance that out with slowing down. I do yoga in a place called Immerse, where there are no mirrors and the walls are covered in LED screens that bring you to the beach, the mountains, the sunset, or the moon. I would love to sit in there with open gym time.
That is spiritually what I do. I make sure that I have a certain number of meditations in my week. I walk slowly sometimes with my dogs. She stops every two seconds to pee. Not everything in my life is fast-paced. Spiritually, it's slowing down. I have, for me, mastered the art of being present. It's not always easy for me. Does that answer your question?
Yeah. Things or actions I do have that I want to keep.
To always be present. I have had health issues that have come my way. During that time was also the time that I met my forever man. Those are the best years of my life. I've never been sicker in my life, but those are the happiest times in my life. Both can exist at the same time. I need to have laughter in my life forever. I need to laugh every single day. I need to be surrounded by joy. I create my own joy, which I then create for all of you with these experiences.
When I go for a walk, I'm taking pictures of a flower, or I'm recording a waterfall so I can have that peaceful sound. That's being part of present and joy. Those are the biggest things, but I also like money. We talked about that. exEXPERTS and Divorce etc… brought me a ton of joy. The podcast has over a quarter million plays. It's fabulous. It made no money.
It's great that I have the ability to create these experiences, which bring me a ton of joy for myself first because I learn so much from all these women, from meeting new people, and from being out in the world but also brings me money, which I need to have also in my life. Unapologetically, we need money. Why are we embarrassed to say that? I need money, and I know how to get it. Being 54 years old and having gone through what I've gone through, this is what I need in my life.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and being so vulnerable. It always helps our audience. Is there anything that you didn't get to say or that you want to leave people with before we end?
I want to challenge all of you to think about what your superpower word is. It cannot be mother or organizer. It can't have anything to do with who you serve. It has to do with what you do for yourself. I create because it fills my cup. As I've gone through my journey, I've always been a creator, but now I own it. What did I ask you? What did you say was your superpower word? Do you remember?
No, I can't remember, but I would say it is my purpose. I know you want one word, but when I see people learn or gain something from the work that I do, that fills me up, for sure.
That fills you up. I'm going to take it a little further because that means that you yourself are curious. You want to learn, which is why you're happy teaching others. I would say being curious or being interested. That is where you have landed. You would never have gotten into yoga. You wouldn't have disrupted your career path if you weren't curious and interested in other things. I challenge you all to think hard about what that word is and own it, love it, and protect it. I'm sure I was not aware I was a creator when I was in my twenties, but I love that I'm a creator now.
I love it. Thank you so much for sharing. I appreciate it. I'm excited for our audience to read this interview.
Thank you so much. It was great to see you again.
It was great to see you, too.
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For my Mindful Moments with this interview with T.H. Irwin, I loved that she pushed me, and she created her own superpower word. That was her word, creator. It's hard a lot of times to put what you try to get out into the world as one word. It's important to step back and think about what your superpower and your unique gift are, and also to define that for yourself and not look away from it.
Think, “What is unique about me or self-doubting?” We all have that superpower inside of us. It's whether we're willing to unlock what that is and do the work to uncover that for ourselves. We came up with a word during the episode, but probably through my own self-reflection, journaling, and things that we talked about on this episode, I could probably go deeper into doing that as well and challenge myself to do that, too.
Her journey was very interesting. A lot of people on this show have been shaped by the people around them as far as where they ended up going in their lives. That's why I love to start with, “What did you do when you grew up? What was important to you?” It's always interesting to see how that zigzag or that maze works in someone's life and how it connects to what they do.
She was going with the flow of wanting to be where her friends were and wanting to connect. She did have that creative side of picking an art major and a French major, and then going into marketing, which she talked about. All of these were, in essence, a creative field. She hadn't honed in on what her expertise was going to be in that. That's very important.
I've got children who are in their twenties. I've reflected on this with them as well. Sometimes, we don't give credit to those initial jobs that we have and how important they are in the building blocks of our experience. Whether we loved them or didn't love them, it put us on a path of understanding what we're good at. We might not have realized it then. You can see it in the experiences that she's had in her life. That experience of being part of that market research firm initially was so important. It was what shifted her path going into marketing new products. Without that market research experience, she would've never known to go into that space.
Learning how to market and how to understand what's important to another person went into so many facets of her life as far as understanding from an entrepreneur perspective, understanding that you have the right services and products to sell, whether you're working inside of a company, doing that research, having that grounding, and asking the right questions to make sure that you're messaging things in the right way that's going to appeal to the people that you are trying to target. Sometimes, even our target might be incorrect once we start looking into things. It's something else. Also, it is about being okay to pivot when we realize those things.
We talked about a lot of stories, but one of them was getting into this. She was a dreamer. She had all these connections, community, family, and a father who listened to her, but she did go through this journey of relationship or marriage that was very hard on her internally and how she viewed herself. She tried to get back her self-worth afterward and made sure those negative messages were not going on in her mind. She was doing the work to do that.
A lot of times, we fall into these patterns without even realizing how someone else is affecting our energy. It's a part of our pattern, our life, and our relationships, but we don't necessarily take action on it. That action is about ourselves and understanding what is okay in our life and what is not okay in our life, and knowing what our self-worth is and having the confidence to say it.
She talked about a lot of the tools that she did, one of them being therapy. It is so important to have that third party that doesn't have skin in the game and that can be that outside perspective for you. Also, when she talked about journaling and learning how to be alone and present with her mind, these are all things that when we're younger, a lot of times, we're running away from instead of doing that reflection. If we're lucky enough to learn that when we're younger and take it into adulthood, it can help us in so many ways.
You're never too late to learn these lessons and to be able to pivot over time, because it's these little changes over time that make the big change. When we're making those little changes, a lot of times, we don't even realize why and what the bigger outcome is. We're going on the journey and the present of what is something that could make us feel 5% better or 10% better. We’re enabling these little habits over time that will eventually shift the way that we think, make ourselves feel better internally, and especially when we look back, give ourselves gratitude for going through the process.
I want to thank you so much for subscribing to this show and for being a reader of this show. It's so important in order to keep it growing. We've been in existence since 2019. This is our 160th episode. There are many episodes still to go, but without your support and continuous reading, we wouldn't be where we are. I appreciate you for supporting us all the way. With that, I want you to remember that the energy that we create internally is contagious. When we make these small changes, look at the little impacts over time that make a big difference.
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About T.H Irwin
T.H. Irwin is the CEO of T.H.Experiences LLC and the creator of dozens of public-facing experiences with attendance ranging from 200 to 10,000 people. T.H. curates signature, “next-level” experiences that are intentional and impactful.
With more than a decade of experience developing, implementing, marketing and producing high-engagement experiences, the mission of empowering and educating women is a top priority. Her signature experiences include Women for Women Today #EveryWoman and The Night Market.
T.H. is also the co-founder of exEXPERTS and the Divorce etc… podcast, using her own divorce journey to educate and empower anyone touched by divorce with free resources and support.