Pay It Forward: Become a Mentor
Three ways to influence new professionals in a more meaningful way
As many people leave their current jobs to seek new opportunities, a trend called “The Great Resignation,” it’s more important than ever for companies to try to keep the good employees they have and attract new ones. Employees want to feel like they are seen, heard, and empowered to develop and grow. One great way to cultivate this within your company or industry is by becoming a mentor and encouraging other leaders to do the same.
As we celebrate #NationalMentorDay, we can all remember what it was like when first starting out, or moving through different levels in our careers. I remember how valuable the connections I made early in my career were. I was fortunate enough to have a handful of managers take notice of me early on and provide guidance when I needed it — even sometimes when I wasn’t looking for it — and help me make important adjustments.
When I began my career as an accountant, I was always worried about what everyone else thought of me and the work I did. I never thought I was smart enough to be in the role I was in. I would listen to team members confidentally answer questions from clients and feel that I would never be as smart as them or get to their position.
No matter how hard I worked, I never felt like I was good enough. I would scrutinize feedback surveys and while 95% of it was positive, I would focus on the 5% of feedback with suggestions for improvement. One of my first managers took notice of my work and started to give me helpful advice. He repeatedly told me that I was doing well and to stop being so hard on myself. I remember one time in particular, after long hours on a particular job, I actually came to tears thinking that I wasn’t going to measure up and be good enough. It was this mentor that reassured me that I was on track, if not exceeding expectations, and to instead celebrate the good things people said and not focus so much on what I considered negative feedback.
This was a mindset shift that took me a while to make but I eventually did it. When we realize we have these patterns that show up, it's important to look back at the root cause. After doing my own self discovery, I realized that I had always been extra hard on myself even as a child. I always felt like I was on the verge of failing a test, even though I studied more than most and came in prepared. I would put myself through an internal hell by being hypercritical of myself, instead of just adjusting my mindset to “I can” versus “I am not good enough". It is a practice to begin to shift your mindset away from the negative and to the positive instead. It takes looking for the good things that happened, rather than the bad, each day to train your mind to think differently. I also ask myself the four questions that Katie Byron discusses in her book, The Work, : (1) Is it true? (2) Can I absolutely know it is true? (3) How do I react when I think that thought? (4) Who would I be without the thought?
I am very thankful to my first mentor for pointing this out to me so that I could do the internal work I needed. The practice is lifelong, and when I feel myself go back to that pattern, I am now aware of it, can pause and question whether that thought is true or not.
Another mentor was not only my manager, but also my friend. She would give me feedback on how to navigate the corporate culture, and she’d provide me constructive criticism she heard from others so that I could either adjust or know what kind of impression I was making. Being a mentor does not always mean you are providing positive affirmations. Sometimes, it’s about delivering the more difficult feedback. I was humbled by my mentors’ experience and wisdom. In any ways, she helped me realize how much I had yet to learn, so that I was able to put everything into perspective, take a step back, and work harder as a result.
Much of what I do today is geared toward teaching and guidance. I have learned along the way that being an effective mentor is more than simply giving advice and encouragement. Meaningful mentorship involves understanding your mentee’s goals and strengths, and then finding ways to connect them with the skills or people that will help them get there. Ideally, this relationship will also foster upward feedback to help you become a better leader too.
Want to become a more effective mentor? Here are three easy ways to influence new professionals in a meaningful way.
1. Evaluate their strengths and opportunities
Set the relationship up for success by asking the right questions to find out what your mentee is interested in, what their goals are. Taking this time to get to know them as a unique individual will give you a better idea of whether you are the right person to help them reach their goals, or if you know someone in the same field who might be better suited to help them out. You may also ask for insight from people they work with so that you can provide anonymous feedback to highlight opportunity areas.
2. Mentor by example
Have you ever heard the phrase “do as I say, not as I do?” It’s one way of saying “I live a few steps above what I’m teaching you, and as you can see, everything I’m teaching you isn’t actually applicable in the real world.”
If you’re going to talk the talk, you’ve gotta walk the walk as well. When it comes to teaching, you have to practice what you preach and always check yourself when you’re not. Being honest about the reality of what you have gone through in your own career can be invaluable to someone looking to follow your path. Rather than sugar coating it, provide a real-world perspective. Don’t be afraid to talk about what you wish you would’ve done differently, either — these lessons can often resonate just as much as the success stories.
3. Model inclusiveness
Many of us are forced to find our own path and create our own relationships when we start a new job. However, there is nothing better than a mentor who can show you the ropes, identify the right networking events to attend, and extend invites to lunch meetings. As a mentor, introducing your mentee to as many people as possible will help them meet leaders who may take interest in them as well. To mentor in a more meaningful way, tap in to your contacts and lead with empathy. If you’re going to an event that someone you’re mentoring is interested in or if you know a contact your mentee would be grateful to have, be generous with your invites and introductions. It always takes time to get your foot in the door, but even if it was difficult for you, you have to pass that frustration on.
Ultimately, learning how to mentor in a more meaningful way is about understanding the mentor-mentee relationship in a new light. Think about it as an opportunity to learn from a fresh perspective on your profession, and an opportunity to pay forward whatever kindness and connection someone showed to you along the way.